For the record / anomalies

Posted in General with tags , , , on July 28, 2014 by pathwhisperer

For some years, when I would go on vacations I would return to find the MS Backup program in the recent list on my Start menu.  This was a program I never ran.  After a certain point the program was pinned there permanently, which I hadn’t done either.  This required physical access to the my computer since I leave it unplugged when absent.

I ended up switching to a Linux OS.  Somehow my bootloader page would be defaulted back to Windows.  Usually after a Linux distro update or two, it would go back to the correct Linux entry.  Then it would at some point switch back to Windows.  Then I started getting Linux Update Manager failure error messages, which I have to work around.  At the same time I started getting other error messages.  When reported to the Linux distro, I was told the problems were due to non-distro software on my computer, which I hadn’t loaded.  It is apparent that I am under constant cyber attack and do not control my computer.

Changing the subject somewhat, very shortly after filing a request with the NYPD a few weeks ago, upon going to my car I noticed a few gum wrappers under it that hadn’t been there when I parked.  No big deal.  Later that day, on the Jersey Turnpike I noticed a large SUV merging at speed to my right.  It seemed to me that the car was being driven masterfully for such a big car and with purposive intent as it swept across the lanes of the main highway.  Then I realized it wasn’t going to stop before reaching my lane at the exact point where I was located and that if we collided it had all the momentum and I would go careening into a wall.  Fortunately my performance upgrades to my car had been to the brakes, so emergency braking prevented an accident, if that was what it would have been.  Then a day or so later I realized that I was driving on the sidewalls of one of my tires.  It turned out there was a screw working its way into the tire.  How interesting.

The gum wrappers are also interesting.  Completely unnecessary, if done by an individual planting the screw, it that’s what happened.  Back to my abode, a while back I installed a security DVR and system.  One day I went to review the contents and found the remote had been reprogrammed to another DVR.  This couldn’t have happened by accident (and I was already on the default).  This is more than gaslighting, it’s sort of a reach out and touch, but still unnecessary.  Plus I had another device that to save images to memory required a config file.  Without it, it would seem to work but wouldn’t write to memory.  I found the config file had been deleted.

Finally, I have a storage facility for my excess musical instruments, household items and mildish prepper items (after Katrina, Irene and Sandy plus an economy run for and by psychopathic economic looters and resultant economic meltdowns around the world we should all be prepared to be self sufficient for a period of time if need be).  I don’t control access to this facility either.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!  Right after I saved this to go live (drafts are saved automatically) the PUBLISH button grayed out and a CONNECTION LOST error message appeared.  Apparently I am being monitored in real time.

The Eric Garner Murder — NYPD stop hiring psycho ward cops

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2014 by pathwhisperer

Eric Garner, 43, father of six, grandfather of two.

Eric Garner was murdered by an illegal police chokehold during a questionable arrest.  http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/staten-island-man-dies-puts-choke-hold-article-1.1871486http://nypost.com/2014/07/18/man-dies-after-suffering-heart-attack-during-arrest/, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2701074/A-cover-Internal-NYPD-report-incident-Staten-Island-dad-Eric-Garner-does-not-mention-chokehold-states-not-great-distress.html.

It turns out, per retired police Captain Ray Lewis, of Occupy fame, that police officers are selected to be high in aggression and low in sensitivity through the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) test.  This is turning the test on its head, it could be used to select very suitable and moral officers.  Used improperly as described it will select the emotionally walking wounded just raring to lash out on their psychological pain and anger, plus actual psychopaths.

How Cops Are Vetted For Aggression & Insensitivity | Interview with Capt. Ray Lewis

It is clear from incidents such as the Eric Garner murder, that this has been instituted here.  It is also shown by the police murder of disturbed individuals when neighbors or family call for police assistance.  High in violence and low in empathy, that would explain these occurrences.

It’s also evident from the following Village Voice article in which drunk rookie cops were allowed to run wild, beating up a cab driver for some perceived slight, even roughing up another police officer, and then remained unpunished.  I never understood how this was allowed until I saw Capt. Lewis’s statement on the MMPI.  A lengthy quotation follows:

New York’s Finest Police Cover-Up

Ten cops beat up cabbie, then cuff one of their own for trying to stop them.

The evening began normally enough, he says. According to his very detailed notes, he finished his tour at the 3-0, and met up with some colleagues at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que under the West Side Highway. Then, after dinner and one drink, he headed to the Vudu Lounge at East 78th Street and First Avenue for a Christmas party organized by Captain William Pla, the commander of Manhattan North Impact, a unit composed of rookie officers sent to flood high-crime areas.

Acosta parked across the street, walked inside, paid Pla the $60 party fee, and chatted with some of the officers present. At about 11:30, the captain told everyone the party was over, and Acosta left.

He crossed the street, sat in his car, and made a couple of calls on his cell phone. He got out of his car to respond to what turned out not to be an accident, and then noticed someone being assaulted across the street in front of the bar.

A group of rookie cops had spilled out of the Vudu Lounge. Traffic on northbound First Avenue was going very slowly at that moment, and the rookies took the opportunity to cross against the light.

The young officers crossed in front of a yellow taxi driven by Levelle DeSean Ming, a 41-year-old Brooklyn man.

Ming had just come back from a trip to Kennedy Airport. He was about 10 hours into his shift. At the time, he was making about $400 a day as a hack, but he had to kick back half of that to the cab owner. He had child support and other debts to worry about.

“I was sitting there, and I tapped the horn, and I said to myself, ‘Wow, people don’t know how to act when they’re drunk,’ ” Ming tells the Voice in an interview. “But this guy heard me, he was intoxicated, and he said, ‘What did you say?’ “

That guy, Ming later learned, was Police Officer John Virga. Virga reached through the window and punched Ming three times in the face. Ming says he opened the driver’s side door and began to get out, but Virga slammed the door against Ming’s chest three times, bruising his ribs.

Ming finally got out of the car, which turned out not to be a great idea. “I got out, he punched me more, I fought back, and then other people jumped in, punching and kicking me,” he says. “I got knocked down. I got beat up bad. They must have hit me 30 or 40 times.”

The telephone switchboard in the NYPD’s dispatch center began to light up with calls.

“You got to get the cops over,” says a Park Avenue doorman from New Jersey in his 911 call, who spoke to the Voice under the condition that his name be withheld, and happened to be in his car right behind Ming’s cab that night. “They’re beating the shit out of a cab driver. About 15 guys. They’re fucking jumping him.”

Seconds later, the doorman adds, “They’re getting a two-by-four. I’m witnessing a big two-by-four being picked up.”

“He honked his horn,” the doorman tells the Voice. “They went ballistic, started punching his window, being dickheads. The cabbie did nothing wrong.”

He continues to confirm details of Acosta’s story: “The traffic was very slow. These guys came stumbling out in the street. One of them stepped in front of his taxi. All the cabbie did was honk the horn. They came over screaming at him and tried to pull him out of the taxi.”

“I could have been the same guy,” he says. “They didn’t belong in the street. They obviously had a few drinks in them, and they thought they could do whatever they wanted.”

In the second 911 call, a man tells a police dispatcher, “There’s a fight breaking out here, right in the middle of First Avenue.”

In the third call, a woman looking down from her window says, “A bunch of young people are chasing another person into the street. Oh, my God, they’re in the middle of First Avenue.”

“Any weapons?” the dispatcher asks.

“I saw a whole group chasing after one person, and I could hear somebody screaming, ‘Let him go, let him go.’ “

Acosta was off-duty. He could have kept driving, let the incident take its course, let uniformed cops handle it, but he wasn’t the type of officer to walk away when there is a potential crime taking place.

“The altercation appeared to be growing,” he writes in his notes. “I observed Captain Pla, his female companion, and several other people and other sergeants and lieutenants on the sidewalk watching the altercation escalate. . . . To me, the situation appeared to become violent, so I decided to take police action by intervening and dispersing the crowd.”

One of the off-duty rookies was indeed holding a two-by-four, and was pushing his way through a crowd that appeared to be attacking the cab driver. Acosta identified himself and tried to grab the piece of lumber. “I’m a cop, let go,” Acosta said. At that point, the cop dropped the two-by-four and took a swing at Acosta’s face.

Acosta pushed his way through to Ming, the cab driver. He persuaded Ming to get out of the situation by getting back in his cab. Acosta put himself between the cab door and Ming, as the irate rookies tried to grab the driver, and tried to push the crowd back. With help from another off-duty sergeant, he ordered the crowd to disperse.

The woman with Captain Pla started screaming at the off-duty cops involved in the fight. “You’re animals,” she shouted. “You’re savages. What are you doing?”

In the aftermath, as police sirens wailed toward the scene, several of the officers involved in the fight tried to flee. But they were stopped by plainclothes anti-crime officers.

Ming says some of the rookies told him to leave the scene. “I was like, wait a minute, there’s something else going on here,” he says.

It was only when the rookies were stopped by the anti-crime officers that Ming learned they were cops. “When I saw the shields, I was like, all this time, they are cops?” Ming says.

In the aftermath, a detective drove Ming to the precinct for questioning. In the car, the detective pledged to help him out. “He says, ‘If you have any problems, let me know,’ ” Ming says. “He tells me I didn’t deserve any of this.”

A sympathetic captain wandered by as Ming was waiting to be interviewed by Internal Affairs. “We don’t need cops like that,” he told Ming. “They’re not acting with good conduct.”

Pla, Acosta says, remained on the sidewalk as the melee occurred, watching but not taking action. He says that, as the senior officer present, Pla should have intervened.

“He knows these guys, they work for him, he should have done something,” Acosta says. “If those cops had been civilians, they would have been arrested.”

As uniformed officers from the 19th Precinct began to arrive on the scene, Acosta says that Pla made a phone call.

As the anti-crime officers removed the off-duty cops from their car, Acosta walked up behind a uniformed officer named Mazzilli, who was looking on, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Officer, I’m a cop and I saw what happened.”

Mazzilli spun around and grabbed Acosta by the wrist and demanded he remove his hand from his pocket. But because of the way his wrist was being held, Acosta couldn’t take his hand out of his pocket.

Mazzilli, Acosta says, got angry, and repeated his demand. Acosta replied, “Listen, I’m a sergeant. Take it easy. I will do what you want, but you have to let go of my wrist.”

“I don’t give a fuck who you are,” Mazzilli replied.

Mazzilli struck Acosta once in the face and threw him face-down to the ground. The irate officer then handcuffed Acosta. Acosta sustained bruises and a small cut to his face. He also hurt his back in the fall. He was dizzy and upset.

A sergeant subsequently uncuffed Acosta and had him sit in the unmarked SUV. While he was sitting there, he noticed that Captain Pla was still on the scene. He tried unsuccessfully to call and text Pla. There was no response.

He was approached by a lieutenant, who asked for his identification card. He asked the lieutenant if he could leave the SUV to speak with Pla.

“I pointed across the street to Captain Pla and I said, ‘That gentleman right there, he’s a captain,’ ” Acosta testified. ” ‘He saw everything that happened.’ “

The lieutenant refused.

“Captain Pla can’t do shit for you,” the lieutenant said, according to Acosta. “You’re better off just sitting in the car and shutting up.”

Acosta was taken to the 19th Precinct stationhouse, where he spent most of the night in the roll call room, while investigators tried to sort out the incident.

He was sitting in the muster room with a delegate from the Sergeants Benevolent Association when he was approached by an Inspector Harrington. The inspector wanted Acosta to sign a statement that read that he had broken up the fight, but failed to identify himself when he approached Officer Mazzilli.

“Listen, this is an unfortunate incident. This is what you’re going to say,” the inspector said, according to Acosta.

Acosta refused to make that statement because it wasn’t true. He had repeatedly identified himself. “I told my delegate that I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m going to say the truth of what happened,” he says.

He told the SBA delegate, “This is fucked up. How am I in this situation? How are cops beating someone else? There’s an off-duty captain that sees the whole thing, and he’s not being brought back here. This is wrong.”

In the often topsy-turvy world of the NYPD, Acosta now became a target for disciplinary charges. He was told that he was being placed on modified assignment for the “good order of the department,” and his gun and shield were taken from him.

http://www.villagevoice.com/2010-10-13/news/nypd-cover-up-cabbie/

What is going on here is very clear.  The elites have turned their backs on community policing and the idea of ‘serving and protecting citizens.’  The 1% have decided to dominate the 99%.  Thus they select emotionally damaged violent individuals as cops and then license their misbehavior.  As a civilized nation we seem to be going backwards.  In Brazil, the police even shoot homeless children, just as if they were dogs.

Does Mayor DeBlasio know about this use of the MMPI?

Email from a sufferer

Posted in General with tags , , on July 7, 2014 by pathwhisperer

“I have been tortured and harassed through the legal system for the last 9 years by a sociopath who is relentless and determined.  This sociopath has no fear and is so crooked that it is astounding that all of his behaviors and patterns have allowed him to continue his onslaught without the focus turning on him where it truly belongs.  Any advice?”

I just saw this email.  Advice?  This whole blog is advice.  Specifically, document everything.  Prove lies, if at all possible.  It’s truly astounding that witnesses, including non-sociopathic judicial system employees, mis-translate outrageous sociopathic misbehavior into understandable, to them, pablum.  There seems to be a need for normals to deny the possibility of sociopaths that can fool them.  They refuse to give up the fairy tale that we are all brothers and sisters under the skin.

I wish I could give more useful advice, but keep up the morale and keep up the fight.

Dov Charney, fired CEO of American Apparel

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2014 by pathwhisperer

Psychopaths have no need of privacy, like little children playing with their privates in front of the guests.  This trait, primitive, undeveloped sexuality with privacy unnecessary, is simply an aspect of the devastating arrested development of psychopaths, the primary psychopathic throughline.

For more info:  http://gawker.com/heres-ex-american-apparel-ceo-dov-charney-dancing-with-1593500201.

Related posts:  http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2008/11/15/october-and-november-items-with-that-sociopathic-flavor/ (Anand Jon Alexander), http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/not-frat-boy-behavior-sociopathic-behavior/, http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/?s=sexuality.

Search: why am i jealous of my sociopaths new target

Posted in General with tags , , , on April 12, 2014 by pathwhisperer

Part of you doesn’t accept that he is a sociopath (if he is) and/or wants to still believe the fantasies he mirrored for you.   Recognizing sociopaths is not an exercise of the mind, but a soul deep emotional realization that the person presented doesn’t exist and never could.

Search: the subtle arrogance of psychopaths

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , on March 27, 2014 by pathwhisperer

What a great phrase.

The subtleness depends on the psychopath’s position on the failed psychopath/SAP (socially adept psychopath) continuum.  A SAP can restrain their arrogance with reference to their position, and their knowledge of their position, on the ‘foodchain’, a failed (imprisoned/out of control) psychopath can’t.  But it is a major, major psychopathic throughline, one that even those who aren’t aware of psychopaths notice, they just don’t know what it is that they are noticing.  http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/sociopathic-through-lines/

The arrogance can be very subtle.  A psychopath online that I read occasionally once wrote that he would never consume xylitol since it kills dogs and it seems to him that dogs and humans aren’t that different in bodily biological systems.  The similarity is of course true.  The arrogance is that somehow he has superior insight to the food scientists involved in producing and selling xylitol to the public.  Also note the subtle paranoia, which is another throughline.

To the de Blasio administration, I hereby volunteer to take out the NYPD’s psychopathic trash, gratis

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2014 by pathwhisperer

Well not exactly gratis, I would request the freedom to publish the results of the brain scans, plus publishing a detailed study of select individuals (some of whom I already have in mind) including their brain scans, DNA sequences and facial images.

I think the study need be done only on whiteshirts and other rank-holding officers, due to the sheer numbers in the force. Though already of interest blue shirts should be considered. Basically however, psychopathic blueshirts will take their cue from what they observe. This is what lower level psychopaths have always done, they always know their place on the food chain (or speedily end up in jail).

Over the Bloomberg/Kelly years there were high profile news stories of rapes by psychopathic police officers. These officers simply interpreted the license given by the out of control and obviously unconstitutional (opinions of judges and lawyers not needed) stop-and-frisk policies as creating an open air prison. This led blueshirts who were psychopathic to feel they had the power to do whatever they wanted. They seemed to feel they were above the law (http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/rapist-ex-nypd-asks-shorten-75-year-prison-term-article-1.1610805). Obviously this was not intended by Bloomberg and Kelly. But give psychopaths an inch, they’ll take a mile, every time.

I’m often found by such searches as “do psychopaths run in gangs.” Absolutely they do. You see it in every walk of life, including police forces. You see it in courts with psychopathic jurors siding with psychopathic defendants or collusion among psychopathic prosecuting attorneys, defense attorneys and judges to tilt the scales in favor of the psychopathic party (the Carl Andre and Lynn de Vecchio cases come to mind as possibilities, the Michael Pena jury above, the brass that pushed for Michael Oliver keeping his pension). The point of this paragraph is that concentrating on the white shirts should have a ripple effect upon the entire police force, making that smaller search sufficient. If desired of course I could handle the entire force, if paid.

I wish to state that I am not anti-police officer. I appreciate serious policing, both large and small, as much as anyone else. I will be forever grateful to a couple of anonymous officers who saved me and an associate from an almost certain violent mugging. I was having some shots taken for acting purposes. The photographer wanted to catch the soft late afternoon light with the East River in the background. Leaving the waterside park by a ramp to street level, we noticed a group of approaching hard eyed thirty-somethings silently communicating with a similar group behind us. Suddenly their predator like concentration ceased and their eyes focused far out in the field behind us, where a police blue and white was sitting. I have no doubt that the officers recognized exactly what was about to happen and were acting to prevent it. Without their presence we would had to have simultaneously acted completely oblivious about the situation and gotten through the advancing pincer using whatever force was necessary before the rear pincer closed on us. Once they both had we would almost certainly have been overpowered and ended up rolling on the ground in pain or knocked out. The photographer would have lost thousands of dollars of camera equipment and I would have lost a few thousand dollars of borrowed clothes and whatever money we had.

On the other side, I have sometimes bought and sold musical instruments, sometimes from trunks of cars and sometimes in toney neighborhoods. Occasionally residents called the police to have us checked out. If a cruiser came by slowly we’d step back to give a good view and wave or nod to the officer, who’d nod back. No problem.

I’m an activist but throwing molotov cocktails at law enforcement personnel (or anyone else obviously) as happened in the Ukraine recently is simply murder or attempted murder, absolutely criminal.

Finally I’m grateful to a local detective who gave me the phone number and name in connection with a harassing calls complaint. I spoke to the individual, he claimed that he had made the calls in trying to fax material to a local newspaper. I don’t believe that was the situation. I am sure that the calls came from an ex of mine. For years she’d call me up with fax polling calls, both at home and at work. She also always knew where I worked and what shift. This detective helped on a couple related phone harassments. I also asked him if the precinct was investigating me for some reason (as opposed to my ex harassing me through her cop friends and their police powers). He said no.

This introduces my personal log in this fire. Some years ago a psychopathic officer stopped his car to ask me some question he clearly didn’t care about, around 2 or 3 in the morning. I was in the habit of walking home from the World Financial Center after midnight, some 8 miles or so, a few times a week – I had a lot to think about, I had gone through a rough breakup and my ex had been ‘befriended’ by a group of psychopathic police officers. It seemed this was his way of letting me know he was one of them. Somehow I immediately recognized him as both a cop and a psychopath (probably by his arrogance) and said, if I recall correctly, ‘you’re whorehouse is a block behind us and your precinct house’s about three blocks over’. I had seen unmarked police cars ferrying prostitutes back and forth some four, five times. Every precinct has both a brothel and a station house (http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/jaynie-mae-baker-plead-guilty-soccer-mom-madam-case-sources-article-1.1136172, https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/jaynie-mae-baker-plead-guilty-soccer-mom-madam-case-sources-article-1.1136172). There are both bad apple cops and bad apple precincts.

Years later this same officer, by then a white shirt I believe, was parked outside my building for a couple hours with this ex, on the night of my birthday. They obviously knew my schedule, as they were waiting for me when I got home from work around 1 am.  They must have worried that I might flip out, because they had a blue and white Explorer parked at a nearby fire hydrant, it’s interior lights on, the three officers looking totally miserable.

What they were doing for a couple hours right outside my building on my birthday I don’t know. But I would like to know if there was soundtrack playing and exactly what it was and exactly how they got it.

Shortly after our breakup, this ex had approached me in the local post office and apologized for her behavior, saying that sometimes “she got maniacal.” This was putting it mildly, as far as I was concerned it was as though she had been taken over by aliens. I no longer even recognized the person looking out of her eyes. I had never experienced anything like it. Suddenly it was ‘who are you and why are you bothering me?’ from someone whom I could no longer recognize, who I thought I knew as well as the back of my hand.

Lost in Space’s Will Robinson to his father who, having been taken over by an alien, was about to throw Will to his death, ‘Dad, it’s me Will. Your son. You just gotta remember, you just gotta remember.’

Dorothy O. Lewis, from M. Gladwell’s The New Yorker article, Crime and Science – DAMAGED (http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1997/02/24/1997_02_24_132_TNY_CARDS_000377330): “Lewis recalls, “I was testifying, and I looked down at the defense table and David wasn’t there. You know, David is a sweetie. He has a softness and a lovable quality. Instead, seated in his place there was this glowering kind of character, and I interrupted myself. I said, ‘Excuse me, Your Honor, I just wanted to call to your attention that that is not David.’ Everyone just looked.” In the end, the judge vacated Wilson’s death sentence.” http://gladwell.com/damaged/

Narcissists live by the rule ‘baby feels no pain’, everybody else is expendable. Like psychopaths others can be written out of their lives as seemingly easily as turning a page.

Sadly that encounter in the post office was the last time I ever saw that person as I had known her. Though I do think she came forward occasionally. For a while she called my answering machine machine 15 to 20 times a day. It had to be her because after reporting this to the police it stopped immediately, obviously they had tipped her off. Also she’d make fax polling calls, for years, to both home and work numbers of mine (even through job and shift changes). A few times I received touch tone calls of SOS dots and dashes.

She was in therapy the whole time I knew her, three private sessions a week plus group therapy. She also said she had spent time in mental hospitals, though I never knew why. Her therapist should have hospitalized her at the point of her dissociation above (‘going maniacal’).  Also she once told me that there was a voice in the back of her head that was always belittling her and telling her that her hopes and aspirations would never work out — it seems this personality took over. Instead the therapist allowed psychopaths in group therapy to manipulate her and then pass her on to manipulating psychopaths in the local precinct. That psychopaths were allowed into group therapy with non-psychopaths is incompetent to the point of criminality (its like throwing piranhas in with goldfish), her clients should sue her for malpractice and she should lose he license.

Sadly, strangely, and, in fact, down right bizarrely this is not just ancient history. Not long ago, the therapist’s husband, himself a therapist, lunged his car (containing also his son) from a standing start to where I was crossing in the parking lane. If I had tripped it would have been murder. I was just walking by and he floors the car from some twenty feet away, forcing me to leap or be killed. As I made the sidewalk and spun towards the car I recognized him and saw his face frozen in fear and hate. I have no explanation whatsoever. I had not interacted with him in years and years. Somehow it seems someone is scaring them in regards to myself, I suspect it’s the psychopathic white shirt mentioned above. Its called character assassination.  A tell of a psychopathic character assassination is that often the target is kept unaware of the substance of the calumny.  That way the target experiences an insidious hollowing out of the ground under their feet and cannot respond legally to slander and pathological lying.  If the target has to be kept from knowing the lies it is also of course probable that lying is going on, but somehow they get away with it.  (More: http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/from-country-of-liars-character-assassination/.)

I’ve had no interactions with my ex either. I haven’t spoken to her since she dragged me into mediation, years and years and years ago. After her ‘sometimes I go maniacal’ I was distraught and went half crazy trying to figure out why an individual would chose narcissism (all non biological emotional disturbances are choices, though on a deep soul level). So when I ran into her I’d try to reach the non-maniac. They were extremely brief conversations, she’d quickly walk away, this took place maybe 4 or so times, totally unpredictably. I was very careful not to cross any line to harassment or stalking so there was no cause to take me to court.  Since it was rare and unpredictable they had to serve me the papers at home, they knew my schedule. I stopped trying to reach her after the mediation and, keeping a verbal promise in that session, I never spoke to her again. Actually I don’t believe I even know what she looks like anymore. It seems she had plastic surgery.

Years and years ago my wife and I were eating in a local restaurant. After we were seated I noticed my ex’s therapy group. I had met them all at a wedding of two of their members years earlier. I looked but I did not see my ex. But I did notice a leering psychopath who kept grinning at me. Later that night, around 3 or 4 am, two fax polling calls came in. When I traced the number it was my ex’s. I recall once having told her that I hoped she would never wake up in the middle of night saying ‘oh my god, what have I done.’

To my knowledge I hadn’t seen her for good amount of time since even before this dinner. I should have seen her 2-3 times a year coming and going from her nearby therapy, as I did in the past. However I have occasionally seen someone vaguely familiar staring at me, sometimes in the company of the same leering psychopath at the dinner. I did see unmarked police cars, it seems, regularly parked outside her therapist’s on the main thoroughfare of this area. I’ve walked by that street crossing hundreds of times over the years in the normal course of events.  I own a property south of it and live north of the street. I came to suspect these cars were the psycho captain’s or his crew’s (I don’t know his actual rank or name.  I’m sure I could pay a private detective to find that information.  However they would probably find that out, and freak out even more). I remember thinking, ‘Is this for real? So this means this is her therapy time?’ This brings up the question, how much taxpayer money, over the years, did he dedicate to ‘protecting’ her from absolutely nothing at all?

I would also sometimes see these same cars parked on my block, they seemed to know my schedule, or they would go slowly by if I were sitting at a sidewalk cafe, or follow me down the street about a block behind at walking pace. If I documented suspected harassment, fireworks could ensue. They seemed to take this as a hostile act, once auxiliary cops were posted on my corner for days and regular cops at the therapist’s corner (the building’s entrance is on a sidestreet that I rarely am on). They were all very hostile, a cop at the therapist’s corner actually unlatched his holster while glaring right at me.  This is insane.  Also I would never see the cars involved in the neighborhood again.

Years had gone by before that dinner. My life had gone on. I had gotten married and I married for love. First I had to fall out of love with my ex (though obviously she owns a piece of my soul). I finally had to accept that dissociation and narcissism were choices. And that I would never reach that person who’d send me the touch tone SOSs. This isn’t as weird as it sounds, narcissists are normal human beings with souls and soul deep emotions and needs, sometimes the soul will come forward and ‘possess’ the individual. This is true for every narcissist I have ever known, and I grew up with them. It doesn’t mean much however, it’s always temporary.

Not only that but I had broken free from a romantic yoke that had enslaved me for decades. I had spent some twenty years pursuing narcissists, trying to persuade them to come in from the cold. I was never remotely successful. Usually they were incest victims, sometimes also bisexuals who hated any man who turned them on, sometimes also prostitutes (which was something I could never recognize), sometimes all three. I had some kind of radar that enabled me to find them, and, sadly, I’d leave a ‘happy home’ for the chance. A little violin music please. In the end, I had a dream in which I was saying goodbye to a woman and just crying and crying. Great gulping cries like a little child. Not wanting to cry anymore I ripped myself awake and thereafter found myself free to fall in love as my soul desired. Its unfortunate that I hadn’t had that dream/gone through those soul changes twenty years earlier – a home in the suburbs, . . . etc., etc.

Both of these steps required a couple years and we were engaged for a further 2 years or so. So by the time of that dinner she and I were old history to me. If she had gotten plastic surgery as safety from me then that was deeply pathological. So pathological that her therapist couple should again have hospitalized her. Particularly since I believe she had a young child by then. Young children can psychologically detach from a parent disfigured in an accident, let alone one disfigured by choice.

From the standpoint of her narcissistic personality construct, plastic surgery driven by hysteric fear made a certain kind of sense. She once told me that she understood the thinking of a narcissistic relative of mine, that she had used to think like that. She essentially described an exhausting ‘Dutch boy at the dike’ thinking pattern with reality forever trying to make it through to the narcissist, past the narcissist’s eternal vigilance. This is why Scott Peck, in his book, The People of the Lie, describes narcissistic thinking as unfollowable loops and loop de loops (paraphrasing).  They can tell five contradictory lies in one sentence and believe them all. He also describes them as having ghastly elderly years, as the flesh weakens, so does the will — the truths of the frustrated soul then bear in on the narcissist. All narcissists hate dreaming for the same reason, dreams are the realm of the soul, not the will. Scott Peck writes that narcissists are addicted to the will, I prefer to say that they only accept the will as being of themselves, emotions are a manipulation from outside the self. In severe cases love itself is the challenge that must not go unanswered, the red cape the bull must answer. Fear and hysteria would have helped her maintain her narcissistic reality. It was something that would strengthen the ‘Dutch boy’ at his desperate task.

It would back up her will, as it were. It seems Cap’n Psycho was more than willing to oblige. Would a psychopath spend years and years keeping a vulnerable person on the knife edge of insanity? Sure. Without normal drives and aspirations but normal intelligence (or greater than normal) they need to find ways to occupy themselves. Ways that feed their self-perceived superiority. I’ve known psychopaths to run gaslighting or character assassination campaigns for years.

Further Cap’n Psycho needs to hide his own criminal acts. This is a horse he can’t get off of. The first act of ‘harassment by cop’ of me could have ended his career. Now, years and years and years later, he’s facing serious time as well as an end to his career. At one time I feared he and his psycho crew (they are really sick, complete psychopaths who shouldn’t be allowed to mingle with society) might murder my ex to protect themselves, but now the circle of knowledge has spread way too far. Is he trying to incite someone to kill me? The therapist husband’s driving was attempted murder.

At various times I have tried to bring this to the attention of superior law enforcement, but not successfully. The Civilian Complaint Review Board of the time and Internal Affairs wanted a level of proof I could not possibly have provided. ‘Sure, give me police investigative powers and the power of subpoena and I’ll come back with a proven case.’ That’s impossible. I even contacted the FBI. A couple times I also approached the DA’s office. But of course they depend on the police to build their cases. The last thing they want to do is investigate and prosecute policeman unless massively forced to. It’s a built-in conflict of interest. I did try very hard however. I went down to the DA’s office, filled out complaint forms, argued and argued, etc. All to no avail. There needs to an independent prosecutors office dedicated to police misbehavior. Otherwise psychopathic officers will and do run riot.

I was talking to an attorney not long ago. He said my story (and it was only a sliver of the story) didn’t make any sense to him, “individuals become police officers to serve and protect.” Really now. Isn’t that nice, the universe is dependent on what makes sense to us or not? What I have gone through doesn’t make any sense to me, do I get to ignore it?

Back to narcissism, I once witnessed half of a conversation between a narcissistic relative and an old friend dying of cancer. After the call, my relative said that he/she would probably never talk to that person again, that they had never really been friends anyway. I knew this was a lie. I believe I know exactly what took place in my relative’s mind. First, vast mourning at the prospect of losing a long and close friend. Then panic at the reminder of his/her own mortality. At that point, the narcissistic construct came forward, ‘I can save you, do you want me to?’ ‘Yes, yes.’ ‘No problem, that dying person was no friend, you have no, and never had any, feelings for that dying person, ever.’ ‘Yes, of course, what was the dying persons name again? Thank you, thank you.’ Baby feels no pain — that’s the narcissist’s mantra.

If one can redefine emotions on the fly, think what a ‘get out of jail free card’ that would be. For extreme narcissists, love can be hate, hate can be love. Their will dictates what emotion the mind should feel (and, though I haven’t mentioned it, a belief in their own sheer, unblemished perfectness — these people think they have never made a mistake in their lives). But this ability comes at huge price. They give up a lived life. Narcissists can never truly attach to or love another. They can’t even ever know anyone on a soul level. This includes a spouse, siblings or their own child. Their false construct needs the freedom to cut free any source of unhappiness at any time. The will must always be able to conquer the emotions. Assuming my ex did have plastic surgery, in a sense it was to kill that part of her that still loved me.

However narcissists do have souls, they do have soul deep needs and emotions, thus they open themselves to narcissistic catastrophe. It’s truly one of the ghastliest things to witness in the psychological world. Personality destruction is simply the start.

My father was told as a little boy that Quakers don’t get angry. It’s insane saying that to a two year old. I think he and his siblings must have decided that their parents loved them, but just didn’t love their emotions which they split off from — but you are your emotions. I had the misfortune as a child of attending the division of property among them after my grandmother passed away. It was as though the baby spiders had all returned to the home web, desperate to find the love owed to them by birthright. ‘Where’s the love that’s just mine, it’s got to be here somewhere. Mine, mine, mine.’ It was a totally loveless family. My father had a terrible, lingering death bed – and not once did he talk to anyone, or wish to, of the family he was born into. It’s worth noting that monster families normally last generations.

I have other relatives who have never had an emotion off the grayscale, let alone pastels, let alone living color, and who hate anyone with more lifeforce than that of an amoeba. Narcissism is an aggressive emotional illness, they are terribly threatened by non-narcissists. They are not content to sit in a corner and be narcissistic by themselves. I think my ex’s downhill slide started with her narcissistic therapist pushing her to reestablish ties with her psychopathic mother (she had cut all contact, moved with no forwarding address, etc.). We wondered why she was doing this. My ex even said that it seemed over the line for a therapist. The reason is very simple. Her insane narcissistic therapist couldn’t stand to see her escape to a lived life.

There’s actually nothing strange about an individual seeking out a therapist with their own defect or the defect of a parent. They would feel right at home. It is very sad however.

As you may or may not have noticed, I’ve divided time into ‘years’, ‘years and years’, ‘years and years and years’. If I told you the actual number of years you wouldn’t believe me, you’d say it was crazy. It is crazy, it’s psychopath crazy. I might have a Guinness world record for duration of police harassment or harassment by an ex through the police. Now there’s a question, who’s the master manipulator here, Cap’n Psycho, or my ex who used the police to harass, monitor, spy on my. I think I’d settle for 2-3 million a year for character assassination, emotional stress and torture, invasion of privacy, impact on my career/employment/earnings, etc.

Wow . . . that’d be quite a bit. I’d put together a country western band, buy an old Winnebago, paint my picture on the side, hit the road – PW and the Lonesome Sombreros. I don’t understand young people, if there’s no slide guitar it ain’t country. I was down at a local country bar one night, there were more people in the band than in the whole bar, we were doing “Help Me Make it Through the Night”, one couple was on the dance floor. After we finished, the male of the couple came up to me, shook my hand saying. “Thanks so much. You don’t know, but you just saved my marriage, Thank you, thank you.” Obviously they had been fighting and made up during the song. I remember thinking, “Wow, just wow. This is why I am what I am. This is why I do what I do. All those years in acting school, worth it. No soul deadening 9 to 5 job for me. . . . Oh, wait, I work 9 to 5. . . . this is just a hobby. Oh yeah, a hobby . . . .” Oh well. When I started singing publicly I used to give free performances at old folks homes. I wouldn’t say I was inflicting myself on them but I was less than professionally consistent. I was at this one home once presenting American standards with a pianist. We were doing “Autumn Leaves.” In the front one elderly lady was singing along with her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face, she looked simultaneously extremely sad and extremely happy. Obviously while the song lasted she was once again with a departed love.

Of course, the NYPD could actually filter out the psychopaths without me.  In fact, very easily.  In addition, they might not desire the trauma on the department of my system.  I believe ‘making examples of misbehaving psychopaths’ is actually extremely important in reaching witness psychopaths.  As frozen children, psychopaths have a great deal of difficulty in recognizing consequences.  A public display would concentrate their minds.  However, the NYPD probably would not want to be associated with any psychopathy study.

Here’s how they could do the same thing very quietly.  They could announce that in three months time, once the procedure is worked out, that everyone will be tested for psychopathic brain structures.  The vast majority of psychopaths would simply leave.  Butter wouldn’t melt in the departing psychopaths’ mouths.  They’d have the best of reasons for leaving and evince no concern or stress.

Unfortunately the NYPD would still have to go through the scans (I would suggest following Adrian Raine’s procedures), even though they’d catch very few.  If not, the psychopaths would have recognized the ruse, psychopaths read the truth nonverbally, they would have recognized what was going on.

I would hope and assume that the NYPD would want to clear its ranks of psychopathic officers.

Related posts to this:  http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/for-the-record-private-message-transmitted-publicly/; http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/from-country-of-liars-character-assassination/; http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2011/06/05/search-are-narcissists-attracted-to-sociopaths/

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