From Country of Liars: Character Assassination
http://country-of-liars.com/6667/character-assassination-2/
From the comments:
Becca:
I am so sad that my world of associates continues to dwindle because of the subtle words, set ups and comparisons to unlikable TV/Movie characters that my soon to be ex husband continues to make about me when around others.
He trashed my reputation to such lengths that I don’t even know where to even begin to try and 1) show these people that I am not the person he is making me out to be. . . .
I would appreciate something that may work. His behaviors and tall tales are also having an effect on my son’s social life too. I am an attractive person, a caring nice person, have always been popular and well liked. People that don’t have any idea who I am hate me because of my ex husband. He has done this to me even before we were divorcing. But now it has begun and taken hold in my new town and school district. What can I do? Something please !
Larry:
@ Becca …
I know the sadness all too well. I only know a fraction of what has been said about my life and character, but those who do know the lies will never tell. I came to the conclusion after believing I could spread the truth about me that it was all too late. Those people, even family members, didn’t want to listen to me. In the eyes of many, I am an true outcast.
I eventually came to terms with what I was faced with, and instead of taking the route of continually being so depressed and not achieving anything positive, I accepted I had to let go, and erase them from my life. That included my two daughters.
In my experience, I’ve never heard a victim turn things around, though I would hope it’s happened. That has the effect of taking you down, but do not let it. Come to peace with your life and future, and the new people you will meet.
Well that’s depressing. Why are these character assassinations so believed, that the victim himself is never told the accusations? Amazing. The effects are not small, the victim’s life is absolutely devastated.
From another comment, David:
Believe me moving away does not help to much, because I believe what people go through you still live with it. I to have the same problem. The whole thing of just turning off. When I wake up everything that has happened to me starts all over again. I think about it every moment. I make bad decisions because of what’s on my mind. There are times, when I too can’t get a breath in.
It not only extends through every moment of the victim’s life, but extends outward. The victim’s stress is brought home to their family. Divorces result. The victim’s preoccupation (or spreading cancer of anxiety) distorts the victim’s judgement, and causes the victim to miss cues from others, sometimes important ones. Sleep is hard, activated anxiety centers never go to sleep.
Imagine what Becca must have felt in her new town as she felt it all happening again. Her silent screams as though she were on thin ice watching the cracks seek her out, following her from her past locations, powerless to affect or stop them. Or perhaps she felt she was being pursued by ghosts that could strike her at will, but that she could neither see nor defend against.
We are all social animals. We need secure communities of friends and believe we have them. Victims of psychopathic character assassination know that is not true. For them, what was once solid ground becomes a thin crust over a sea of acid. They never know when a footfall will break through.
It should be pointed out that the psychopath’s aim is murder, murder by suicide.
The daisy chain of evil has to be broken. Or perhaps a better metaphor would be the paper cutout doll chain needs to be broken lest it unfold into infinity, damaging all it touches.
But no one helps. The psychopath’s whispering campaign is absolutely and totally believed. The victim is almost never even told, ‘the word on the street about you is . . . ., thought you should know.’ Sad.
May 7, 2013 at 7:25 pm
Becca,
I know how hard it is to walk on egg shells around everyone, especially family and friends. If you can just keep your wits about you and learn to get fast on your feet and confront this ex of yours in front of others while he’s spreading his trash talk he’ll begin to back off. Or he’ll get even more secretive about his trash talk campaign against you.
If you can get even ONE thing in writing that he’s spread about you that is untrue, a face book post, an email, or one person to give a deposition or written signed notarized statement to an attorney on the trash he’s talking then do it and take him to court! Deformation of character in written form can and should be pursued in a court of law.
I personally have two 2 inch thick three ring notebooks full of such items a sibling has posted/sent. I have made copies of all and turned them over to my attorney and we are heading to court soon on this one particular issue. there are several more court issues also with this sibling of mine.
Becca, learn from this experience even though it’s a bad one, just learn something from it. What I’ve learned is this, the smeller be the feller. He who wags and points fingers at others has something to hide. The one who smells up the gathering with trash talk on others doesn’t want everyone to notice what they are doing or have been doing. When they are talking YOU be watching them. Eventually, you’ll see what he has to hide that he doesn’t want others to notice or find out about. Jealousy may be the cause but I suspect it’s something much more damning than simple jealousy.
Blacksheep
June 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm
There is nothing deceptive about nature. Nature is free from deception as well as from self-deception. The term “human nature” is an utter joke. Man does not evolve, he devolves. He chooses to refuse his own true reflection in the mirror. Psychopathy exists in nearly every human being, it is simply a matter of degree. Think about that next time you eat a hamburger. No, I am not a PETApath, I don’t advocate for animals while lying, stealing and killing behind the scenes. I mean what I say. Look in your mirrors. Yes, some people are much more evil than others. But you still have to clean your own houses too.